Intellectual Maturbation!! 5:- Did you give a damn about the things that you didn’t know about a BPO?

1)The urban myths like ‘Once upon a timezone’ written by Neelesh Misra which revolves around a Customer service agent who fell in love with a customer and  travels to the US of friggin A is all Bullshit with a capital B.

1.5) I hear that Ashok Amritraj is making a movie with Shriya and Jesse Metcalfe(the boy from Desperate housewives and John Tucker must die) on the similar story lines. Bah!! The urban myth re-emerges!

2) Whoever gave the junta that the BPO population is all promiscuous deserves to be shot dead. Right through the head.

1)    Nah!! I will do the deed myself.

2)    It is physically and mentally impossible to keep up that fake accent all day long. The ‘Indian -ness’(there goes my Ness too) seeps in without the speaker’s own knowledge.

1)    There are very intresting names that you will come across. Sample this

Dildora Evans, Gerald Dick, Andrew Bastard, Ulf and Ula LillKrona (Swedish Krona, if you know what I mean), In Park, Eliot Pimple, Elton John(seriously)

2)    The BPO industries hire the best of the English speakers in the country and yet there will be customers who have the fucking nerve to say the following.

“Transfer the call to a English speaking Call center.”

“Transfer the call to someone who can speak in English.”

“I want to speak to someone who knows English.”

3)    Sometimes there are these very pain in the butt customers who talk shit with you for 40 minutes without really arriving at a solution (this is mostly because they call on a toll free number). The deep fry your brain and it would feel as though your brain would pop out through your eye balls

4)    @#$% f$%k, MXC,BXC,f*#K EM ALL!!

5)    The first call that the agent takes is the most scariest of all the calls that he/she will take in the rest of his/her life.

6)    All the Customer service agents swear with the choicest bad words at an average of 10 times a day.

10.1) Infact the bad words become so integrated with the Agents that they do not mind when the Boss calls out “Hey! Chuth come here!” or when the agent next call out “Hey chuth, what the f*#k are you doing there.”

11) Hey!! Still not everyone is not Promiscous.

12) The most intriguing phenomenon of modern times in the BPO industry is that “Nobody is single.”

13) What’s more fascinating is the fact is that the couples look as though they were cosmically designed to be present together at any given time. Its like putting a north pole and a south pole together in a gigantic glass bottle and watching them get magnetically attract each other. Damn!! Newton and Einstein were both right.

14) 98% of all the BPO employees have already committed gastronomical suicides. With all the sticky, gooey, dalda dumped rice and chappathis, do people have a choice of life over death!! No way!!

15)Talking about bad food, the BPO industry has the champion farters. Don’t blame the people, blame the food.

16)Who said that there is no such thing as a free meal? Well, come to the BPO industry to see it to believe.

17)Attrition rates are always high. In other words, if a person sticks around for six months, he/she is considered as a pro!! Whoa!! Whatever happened to the times when people stayed in a company for 30 years and the people called them as pros?

18) After speaking for hours at a stretch with the customers, at the end of the day people do feel lonely and lost. Boy!! They are human too, what the hell did you think?

19) Formal workwear 4 days a week sucks the biggest of all times. There is no fucking scope for experimenting with any styles. Dare to get stylish, you get a friggin compliance memo. I hear that most of the BPO employees are willing to write a petition to formalize denim.

20) Information security is all in the name of the game. At an average a BPO employee is likely to have 7 passwords, which need to be changed periodically and have a minimum of 2 access cards and 2 keys to different lockers. Whew!! What a pain!!

21) What is thing about scheduled friggin breaks? Cant take a minute longer than that else it will go down against your performance.

22)Who the hell said that ‘a BPO is a cake walk.’ Hell no!! It is a damn cut throat competitive world. There are sharks and there are hooked baits at every turn waiting for you trip and fall.

23) What is this thing about women getting raped in the pick up cabs? Sometimes, yeah! It is scary but you can’t stop living and stop working, can you?

So yeah!! Welcome to the big bad (at times good) world of the BPO industry.

Coming soon, some samples of the actual conversations with the customers..